Two weeks ago I wrote about “going off script” - of not needing to tie everything up in a nice bow, or to figure out all the answers to questions, or making sure everything has a nice takeaway. You can read it here, if you’d like.
And then last week I wrote about this might be summed up with the challenging concept of surrender.
So…how is it playing out for me?
Well, I haven’t been doing it perfectly (which is kinda the point maybe?). But I’ve tried writing some song lyrics (that certainly aren’t perfect) to get some thoughts down on paper. I don’t know if anything will happen with these words…but I like to wonder about it!
I’m breaking up with the me I was
Tired of living for everyone else but myself
I’m catching a vision for how good things can be
If I just let go of thinking I’m in control
I’m seeing the beauty in the right here
Life can be so hard, I’m falling into hope
The good that is and that can be
Finding my part in being fully me
I was born for more than the fear and shame I settled for
I’m catching a vision for a new way to live
A new way to be
Songwriting can be really, really hard. Sometimes a song just drops out of the sky and almost writes itself. I feel like that happened with my songs “Precious Memories,” “Pilgrim Man,” and “You’ll Get Through This.” That’s an amazing feeling.
Other times it’s like trying to chisel away
at a slab of marble using a feather.
Just drove by the house
I grew up in
Looking in the windows
To see myself
And say a little hello
That’s one thing I really enjoy about living here in Minneapolis…I can actually drive by the house I grew up in…from a time decades ago…and imagine what I might say to my younger self.
What is up with this sadness
This block between me and the joy?
This is probably the biggest question for me right now, and the one I need to most surrender trying to figure out—because there’s no answer.
Life is really difficult for many people, a truly head-spinning time to be alive. So many things feel upside-down. Yes, it’s hard, but I’m glad it feels that way. Because if this was considered normal, then I think we’d have even greater problems.
Ahhh…a song idea: “It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way”
I sit with various scraps of paper with words on them. Multiple notes on my phone. I carry ideas with me at all times. Unsure which will gestate into something, I keep listening for the muse, wanting to listen to what is valuable to me, and try to seize those moments when I’m brave enough to dive in and nurture the raw pieces.
Surrendering doesn’t mean not nurturing, it doesn’t mean not watering the seeds. It means letting go of what it’s supposed to turn into, or what I should receive in return for creating it.
Surrender is a major concept in a yoga practice
When someone complimented the Dhali Lama for making it rain to cover his escape, he replied “I didn’t make it rain, I allowed it to rain”.