NEW MUSIC ALERT: This Friday, I’m releasing a new music project out into the world. It’s called “Live At The Aster Cafe” — a six-song live recording of some of my all-time favorite songs. I hope you’ll feel even just a bit of the emotion I felt when I was performing!
What Does It Mean To Forgive?
I’ve heard people talking about forgiveness lately, and thought it might be meaningful to explore the topic a bit. I could probably write a ton on this, especially about how difficult it is to do, and then about how freeing it is. I won’t write a ton, but here goes my attempt.
I heard someone say, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison, hoping the other person dies.”
I think that’s a powerful illustration of what it’s like to carry around feelings of unforgiveness.
Forgiving someone would mean choosing to stop drinking the poison.
Yes, forgiveness is for your benefit. It’s not necessarily for the other person. In fact, if you tell the other person that you’re forgiving them, it can be construed as a self-righteous posturing, saying “how horrible it is what you did to me, but I’m bigger than that, and I’m going to forgive you.”
So how do we forgive? In my experience, it’s a process. When I continually focus on how someone has hurt me, I’m choosing to not forgive.
Forgiving someone means choosing not to obsess over my hurt. It’s choosing to not obsess about the punishment I hope they receive for what they’ve done to me.
I usually start by saying (to myself), “I want to forgive that person.” And repeating that over and over, until I can say, “I forgive that person.” Then I have to repeat that over and over.
You can let the desire to forgive completely overtake your desire to hang on to the pain, literally erasing the need for the other person to pay their debt. Sound familiar?
I heard a great example of forgiveness during my time doing prison ministry.
My buddy told me about a friend of his, Jeff, who had been in prison for thirty years, serving a life sentence. Each time he was up for parole, one of his victim’s family members was there to speak against his release.
Until this time.
Yes, the victim’s sister was still there, but something had changed. She believed it was time for him to be released. That it was time for her to forgive and move on.
But she had one condition: Jeff was to check in with her once a month and let her know how he was doing.
This story of forgiveness and redemption cuts straight to the heart of the gospel. God doesn’t want any of us to live in unforgiveness. Forgiveness doesn’t happen when we deserve it; it happens when we don’t deserve it.
Take a moment today and offer forgiveness to someone in your life—someone who probably doesn’t appear to deserve it but who desperately needs it.
Some great quotes about Forgiveness
“To err is human; to forgive, divine.” - Alexander Pope
“Forgiveness is the gift you give yourself.” - Maya Angelou
“When you forgive, you set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.” - Lewis B. Smedes
“Blame keeps wounds open. Only forgiveness heals.” - Thomas S. Manson
“Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace.” - Jack Canfield
“The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.” - Mahatma Gandhi
“Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge.” - Edward Hubbell Chapin
“Forgiveness is the final form of love.” - Reinhold Niebuhr
