It's Ok To Quit

Photo by Jackson Simmer on Unsplash

I was raised to never give up.

Even when things got ugly—like in Elementary school when I’d come home from football practice soaked in tears, because the other guys on the team had been making fun of me. They were brutal. But I needed to stick it out. To what, toughen me up?

Life has continually handed me opportunities to ask, “Is it me? Is there something so wrong with me?” or “Is it them? Are they the ones in the wrong?” I’m so grateful to have an awesome friend who will always offer, “Of course it’s them! You’re great!”

But in my mind, it’s not always that clear. And too often I’ve believed that it’s me—I’m the problem.

Other times, life will make me chuckle.

Like when I wrote a book about surrendering control, and then the pandemic hit. Yep, you guessed it. I had to come face to face with how I had no clue of the depth of pain and ensuing freedom contained within surrendering. I would occasionally joke, “Surrender? I wrote a book about it and then I had to learn what it actually meant.” Time for a rewrite, perhaps!

Flash-forward to now:

I just released a song called “Freedom.” Have you heard it? It’s a toe-tapping, galloping, pop song that brings smiles to people’s faces when they hear it. But it might be one of the most serious lyrics I’ve ever written.

“Freedom” is about what it’s like to get out of an abusive or toxic situation, and how it’s not just automatic joy and a sense of freedom. It’s more complicated than that.

There are unanswered questions, regret, pain, and maybe even some shame. But there’s also a relief, and if you’re lucky, a return to hope that says, “It’s gonna get better.”

So how is life making me chuckle now? Well, I just quit one of the jobs I’ve been doing. A few weeks ago, I wrote about three sports-focused part-time jobs I’m working. Which has been fascinating and super educational.

But one of those jobs has continually had me shaking my head, wondering, is it me? Or is there something wrong with this situation? (I’ll give you a clue: it’s not the baseball or the soccer job.)

So I quit.

And I couldn’t help but flashback to when I was a kid and something got hard and I wanted to quit. But I was told being a quitter was not a characteristic I should develop. And doesn’t it seem like people are way too quick to quit when things become slightly uncomfortable?

Maybe I should stick it out. See what I’m supposed to learn. See how this challenging situation is life simply giving me an opportunity to swallow my pride, letting go of how I think I deserve to be treated.

But I’ll be honest. When I was heading home after what would turn out to be my final shift, I was so down. Like, caution flags were waving inside my head, telling me to not spiral down too far or I might not get out.

I’m grateful that the following days have provided reassuring confirmation from other people that know the situation that it’s not me. Thank God. Some even have commended me for sticking it out for as long as I did.

I tell you this because, yes, life is funny sometimes. “Freedom from a toxic situation? Yep, I wrote a song about it. And then I had to live through it.” But also because…

I want to give you permission to quit.

Especially if you have been feeling like you have to stay in a situation that is driving you crazy, wondering if you’re the problem, in spite of what people around you might be telling you.

Maybe there’s a voice inside of you that says “Quitters are losers.” That’s not true, sometimes the most courageous, fear-denying, faith-driven, hope-fueled people are able to see when and where they need to move on.

You’re moving on from a place where your ability to thrive personally has been pushed down. You’re moving toward a place where your gifts, talents, and beautiful uniqueness will be affirmed and appreciated.

You’re moving away from a place of restricted breath, and toward a place where breathing is easy and full.

It might not feel like freedom at first, but I promise you, as you move out of the prison you’ve been in, the waves of peace will cover you and sustain you.