I Struggle With Gratitude
Happy Thanksgiving To You! I hope you are able to have an enjoyable, stress-free, argument-free time with the people you’re able to be with this holiday. I know holidays are not always easy because we have expectations of how we would like things to go…and then you add people…and cooking…and weather…and boy, suddenly you’re handed a great opportunity to practice the concept of surrender. Phew! Good luck to us!
We’re supposed to go around the room and share something we’re grateful for. I’ll start… I’m thankful for you! For you right now reading this! Thank you for just being you!
But I have to be super honest with you: I struggle with gratitude.
Don’t get me wrong, I love gratitude. I think it’s an incredible weapon against anxiety, stress, fear…so many things. I believe being grateful helps you to move forward with hope for what’s ahead. And…you can’t be mad when you’re truly saying thank you.
Being thankful for all the good things in your life provides fertile soil for more and more good things to grow.
Please, be grateful.
My struggle with gratitude is that it’s not a constant state. I wish I could say that once I choose to be grateful, I am always grateful. But instead, it’s like I wake up each morning and have to remind myself again and again throughout the day how thankful I am. Or more honestly, how thankful I want to be.
I usually start my first waking moments saying, “Thank you, God, for another day to live, to love, and be loved.” Then it’s time for a shower, oatmeal (with peanut butter), coffee, and a quick scroll through Twitter.
But what often creeps in throughout the day are thoughts about how life could be better. How if so and so just did this, then my life would be so much better. Or if this opportunity were to come along, then life would be so much more the way I want it to be.
I know life isn’t perfect the way it is, and yes, certain different circumstances could literally change my life for the better…even one email, or a phone call could do that.
I had a professional diagnose me once with dysthymia, which is like a chronic low mood…not quite major depression, but enough to damper the enjoyment of life. The more I read about it, it seems to fit.
I’m reading a book called “The Half-Empty Heart: A Supportive Guide to Breaking Free from Chronic Discontent” by Alan Downs, PhD. I like that title! I feel seen! He calls dysthymia “chronic discontent” and that makes a ton of sense to me. And I can’t wait to work through the five-week program and get myself all fixed. (fingers crossed!) (I sound cynical, but I’m hopeful for progress!)
My point today, is that for some of us, gratitude is hard. Really hard. We might be handed moments of joy, beauty, love, fun, and we can truly feel grateful. But the baseline of discontent can’t be whisked away with gratitude, which I have believed it would most of my life.
According to Dr. Downs, addressing this chronic discontent is rooted in shame that we feel about our feelings. He says we hide, manipulate, and avoid feelings in order to avoid the punishing shame that we’ve associated with feelings, primarily about relationships. Whoa…that’s super deep. And I don’t quite understand it. But I’d like to.
It’s so interesting to learn something new about myself. Instead of settling for feeling broken, or like I’m always going to feel this way, the blessing of this book comes along and says, “Nope, you’re wrong about yourself. There’s always hope!” Hooray for that!
I want to learn what feelings I’ve been blocking, and find ways to experience them in healthy ways. And not just coat my evergreen sadness with gratitude.
And that’s something to be thankful for.
You're not alone in your struggles. Our human nature usually tends to focus more on what's wrong than what's right. While reading through your post, it occurred to me that while it's beneficial to have an attitude of gratitude, maybe it isn't always about us feeling grateful but the gratitude our words and actions can stir up in others. For example, I'm grateful for the music you create that uplifts me, the words you write that inspire and help me look at life from other perspectives, and simply for you being in the world, as well as all--well, most--of the people I've been blessed to get to know, whether close by or from a distance. And yay for oatmeal and peanut butter for breakfast. Wishing you and your family a wonderful Thanksgiving.
I too have to remind myself daily about all I have to be grateful for. And then I give thanks. I am grateful for you ... for the beautiful music you have made and shared that has been so uplifting. I am grateful for these daily, heartfelt inspirational writings of hope. I am grateful for your bravery in sharing your struggles ... letting us lay people know that struggles happen with everyone. I am so thankful that I just happened to hear one of your Christmas songs last year that helped change my life ... I used some of the lyrics as a daily prayer. Because of hearing that song, not only did I benefit from its inspiration, but it was the catalyst for getting to know more about you. Further, by getting to know more about you, I was able to know about other people and things that have been tremendous blessings in my life. One example, it was through you that I learned more about independent artists ... something I never thought to look for before. But now that I have, I have discovered some amazing and inspiring talents I would not otherwise have known about. And through that discovery, I was honored with the opportunity to forge an amazing friendship with an amazing person, Barbara.
I have so many more things to be grateful for ... I could write a book. But I think this is the appropriate place to let you know that I am thankful for you and how your inspiration has made such a huge impact in my life this past year.
Finally, I know I'm not the only one who is grateful for you and that has been inspired by you ... the hope you share and your bravery.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family. Praying for many, many more blessings come your way this next year.