Feeling Sober

Making Room For Your Soul to Breathe

Photo by Sérgio Alves Santos on Unsplash

This past weekend, I made my way to a friend’s celebration for her 55th year of sobriety from alcohol. And I’m so glad I did. A hodge-podge of friends from the various carnations of her life gathered to share in her incredible accomplishment.

She shared her story of realizing she was powerless over alcohol as a 21-year-old new college grad, after an embarrassing night out with co-workers. That public humiliation was the tipping point after a serious love affair with the bottle.

The very next day she found a meeting of Alcoholics Anonymous, and started her escape from isolation and into community, seeking to learn from those further down the sobriety road.

I share this to say, SOBRIETY IS POSSIBLE. And in fact, it makes life so much better, in ways that you’d never imagine.

But the first step is something we’ve been talking about…SURRENDER.

And that’s where I’m finding myself, with a massive desire to feel sober, not just from alcohol, but from feeling that I have to figure everything out.

To let go of the things I cannot change…and give myself the blessing of a clear mind, so I can better identify the things I can change.

So…how am I doing?

I’m convinced that alcohol doesn’t make me more into the person I want to be, actually, it does the opposite. I deserve more for myself. I want to be present at all times, not foggy or negligent.

I’m also willing to be honest that I struggle with depression, that sadness has been my constant companion for a long while. But it doesn’t have to be. So, together with my therapist and doctor, I’m experimenting with a new prescription that I hope will help with that. Fingers crossed: so far, I’m feeling an improvement! YAY!

I’m also willing to be honest that I’ve been addicted to ambition, thinking that the more I achieve (especially in areas that people will be impressed) will fill my desire to have a life of significance. Being sober means being able to see how this is a sick carousel that never ends; it’s never going to be enough. It also means being able to see how much significance my life already has.

Being sober also means that there are still A TON of things I can create that will bring about some additional beauty into the world. And that’s what I want to do until my last breath.

Whether it’s with the words I speak to a friend, what I write on the page, the songs I create in the studio, the hello I offer to a stranger, or even the whispered thank you as I observe the incredible beauty that surrounds us all.

Unattached to what I think I should get in return:

Let me be a sober giver.
Let me be a sober helper.
Let me be a sober observer.
Let me be a sober creator.

Let me be a clear vessel of love.